If it were a movie...

I thought up something fun that I might do here every once in a while, called IF IT WERE A MOVIE...

Basically I will be taking books that I enjoy and that will probably never see a film adaption and putting forth my ideas of a perfect actor for each character were it to ever become a movie.  For the first one, I'm going to be casting a book only about two people who check this page out will ever read: The Spinal Cord Perception by Joshua Stephen Porter.  Let's see how it works out.

First of all, for the lead role of the cynical and probably somewhat deranged substitute teacher, David Rivers, I choose Jeremy Sisto.

For the beautiful, endearing love of his life, Samantha, I choose Zooey Deschanel.

For Chloe, the young mother to be, I choose Kelly Macdonald.

For Gregg, the friend who actually cares, I choose Justin Long.

For Emma, David's doomed California girlfriend, I choose Anne Hathaway.

For Brett, the obnoxious and vile sexaholic, I choose Jared Leto.

For Charlie, who's promiscuity turns him into a lizard, I choose James Marsden.

For Jack, the pornographically addicted chain smoking boss, I choose Charles Durning.

And just for fun, I would cast the author himself, Joshua Stephen Porter, as a singer in a band and a friend of Emma's who frequents clubs in California.  It would be a cameo role.