Special Christmas Treat!

Those of you who actually follow anything I do on here and are actually interested in the things I write probably know that I am currently working on my first novel, entitled In Name Only.  Since it is the Christmas season, I decided that I would bestow upon you a gift: a short excerpt from the second draft!  This novel follows the life of Spencer Alton, a man raised in the Church, as he deals with a dangerously overwhelming revenge complex.  This is an excerpt from the first chapter, where we meet Spencer as he mourns a lost love.  

Please enjoy, and merry Christmas!

Chapter 1 Excerpt

The air in here is like being wrapped in blankets, it’s so warm. Outside the snow is starting to really come down. I brush it off of my shoulders and take a seat at the end of a pew about halfway down the aisle. Everything here is dark wood grains and stained glass. Beams cross overhead more elegantly than any of the churches I’ve ever attended in my life. It feels like it should be revered. Tonight, St. Josephine’s is mostly empty, which is how I want it. The candles are lit at the altar, and gentle flame-light licks at the massive crucifix. For a moment, I stare at the polished face of the Christ. Then the moment we had is past.

Sometimes it’s nice to be in a place that is not afraid to let itself look like a church. That’s why I come here every Tuesday evening. I also come because nobody here knows who I am, so therefore nobody here hates me.

I don’t even bother to shed my coat or my scarf. I just take my iPod out of my pocket and turn it on. The little screen casts out an eerie technological glow that seems almost irreverent. A priest wanders over from his confession booth and smiles at me.

“Do you need to make confession, son?” He asks me like he always does, eyeing the iPod in my hand without any resentment. His face is old and worn and reminds me of a pair of boots that my grandfather used to wear. At the corner of his eyes, his skin cracks with his smile. Even though he has perfect teeth and dignified grey hair, I think he’s gotten into the real dirt of life a few times. I think he’s seen some things and done some good, and that brings a smile to my face every time I see him. I often imagine him in some far off place, a jungle or a desert, spooning out soup to children and praying with dying tribal chiefs. He’s the kind of person you feel could change your life, if you’d let him.

I think about his question, like I always do. But, like always, I’m not Catholic. I never have been. I wouldn’t even know how to go about making a confession to a priest.

“Probably I do,” I say. “But not tonight, Father Raymond.” He places his steady old hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. For a moment, I touch his wrist and feel the warmth of another human being for the first time in months. Then he moves on and I’m alone in this massive, warm place of worship. I run my thumb over the wheel of my iPod.

Tok, tok, tok. I twirl it until I find what I am looking for. When I find the playlist and I see her name, I have to pause because I’m not so sure I can handle it. I’m never sure when I get to this point. This is what I’ve done every week since, and it hasn’t gotten any easier. I still can’t even bring myself to take the ring off of my finger, even though it gets heavier every day. I put my earbuds into my ears.

I know this playlist by heart. Every song and every lyric is ingrained into my mind with the images of her. Pictures of her with that freckled nose and those green eyes and that sharp tongue. Pictures of her with Caleb. I can never think very hard about Caleb, because then it starts to really ache in the pit of my stomach.

This playlist was the soundtrack that played in my mind when I was with her. Every song is some different time or emotion or look she gave me, and every song hurts like hell now. I toggle through the songs. Some of them I don’t want to listen to right now. They aren’t for tonight. I don’t think I’d be able to walk out of here, or even pick myself up out of this pew, if I tried to make it through Cocaine Lights by Phosphorescent on a night like this. Tonight has been worse than most. I twirl past songs by Death Cab (I Will Posses Your Heart) and Godspeed You! (Dead Flag Blues) and Minus the Bear (Pachuca Sunrise) until I find the one that I need to hear this exact second. I lean my head back and let it crack, and I stare into the dark wooden rafters and the interplay of shadows they throw on the ceiling.

My muscles relax and I sink into the comfort of this place. This feels like it’s name. It is very much a sanctuary. Outside, ice coats everything and frigid wind rattles windows and burns your face, but in here everything is warmth and dimly lit comfort.

That's all you get for now!  Thanks for reading!

Dave